sunday, dec 10, 2000
raccoon penis bone
be the first on your block to own an actual raccoon penis bone!
"want it autographed? i will happily oblige by signing your coon bone for you!"
quonsar at 6:24 pm
the complete and utter idiot's guide to making a baloney sandwich
on the counter, not the floor.
baloney by shelldrake at 10:50 am
you have b. o.
have you got a coworker who stinks like ass?
"we will send that stinky person in your life an anonymous and fun notification that he or she needs to change socks, put on some deodorant or take a shower."
shelldraked at 10:47 am
saturday, dec 9, 2000
bear fight
shelldraked at 12:34 am
friday, dec 8, 2000
abc's of natural penis enlargement
a note from the doctor
"All of his life Richard would make a point to cover himself up in the shower. In the locker-room or at the health-club, he felt small, insecure and somewhat ashamed of his size."
"tiny" shelldrake at 11:54 pm
all night dance parties of death
straight talk for troubled teens
"these secret, illegal underground parties are often held in dangerous locations like abandoned warehouses, the wilderness, or full scale mock-ups of such 1980's children's favorites such as castle greyskull, cobra command center, or the ewok tree-village playset. these raves could happen anywhere, at any time. in fact, they could be under your bed right now. see why it's important to keep guns in the house?"
quonsar at 11:35 pm
what a load
ambitious home improvement projects
quonsar at 11:21 pm
gun guitar and bass
rockin' in the NRA
i can't think of a single well known guitarist off the top of my head who might want one of these. on second thought, ted nugent probably has a dozen.
quonsar at 11:15 pm
harry potter and the antichrist
the harry potter series is a creation of hell
"if there is one thing the harry potter series has proven to america and the world, it is that superstitions and witchcraft have a much greater power to captivate than computers, internet filth, and game rooms."
conjured by quonsar at 11:11 pm
thursday, dec 7, 2000
honoring the most extraordinary election in history
the washington mint's "coin-toss" election silver proof
"only 100,000 silver proofs will be struck, so it is essential to order now to avoid missing this historic event."
god forbid!
minted by quonsar at 10:13 pm
postal experiments
team of investigators test the limits of the USPS
how much eccentric behavior on the part of the sender would still result in successful mail delivery?
fedexed by shelldrake at 9:07 pm
half a century of the german moon-base: 1942 to 1992
everything NASA has told the world about the moon is a lie
"germans landed on the moon as early as probably 1942, utilizing their larger exoatmospheric rocket saucers of the miethe and schriever type."
how nice. moving right along...
quonsar at 8:48 pm
soviet neutron beam killed american moon men
secret particle beam moonbase revealed
"i was first alerted to the existence of a secret base on the moon last november 1976--but it has been one of the best kept of all rockefeller secrets, and it was only a few weeks ago that I was able to confirm its existence..."
and now for something completely different...
quonsar at 8:39 pm
resurrecting the dead
god is the gravitational and electromagnetic field in which the universe is situated
"the human body is made up of C, N, H, NH4 groups, sugar, carbohydrates, DNA, RNA, chromosomes, glonoids, glands, etc which ACT AS transistors, IC, integrated circuits, resistors, capacitors, which renders the body to act and respond as a transponder, broadcasting human radar and computer."
oookay then.
quonsar at 8:17 pm
causes and effects of demon possession
demon possession handbook for human service workers
rasnouq at 8:04 pm
rudolph's racy reindeer games
on comet! on cupid! on donner and blitzen!
"those words have a whole new meaning this holiday season, thanks to brian long, a self-described homemaker, whose lawn boasts a christmas display that depicts two reindeer mating."
on quonsar! at 7:15 pm
aol technica
the internet moron's resource
"a lot of you have written in asking "what the heck is the back button for?" well, our resident internet guru has just posted an article on the various facets of using the back button on your browser."
quonsar at 6:07 pm
wednesday, dec 6, 2000
this is not the kaufmann fund
quonsar at 10:19 pm
feeling prosperous?
give it up, sucker
you don't even have access to the damn server.
quonsar at 9:22 pm
the feast of tens--a decimalian epiphany
density underfoot and the multitude in the air
"probably at some time in your seventh year you weighed 48 pounds and your mass was a billion on the natural scale. then the energy that would have been needed to create you was a billion planck units. it was your 'billion day'."
quonsar at 8:49 pm
50 billion websites, and there's nothing on
quonsar at 8:37 pm
curious george
george w was a happy little monkey
quonsar at 8:24 pm
inside alison's pants
where you want to be
"you've always wanted to get into alison's pants. now you can do it from the convenience of your own room, through a novel web interface! you can now see what's going on in alison's pants 24 hours a day, 365 days a year."
quonsar at 8:13 pm
fried chickenhead dance
quonsar at 12:25 am
tuesday, dec 5, 2000
pgp: public genitals project
participants worldwide send images of their genital areas via webcams
"pgp, the public genitals project, is designed to playfully question the boundaries between inside and outside, revealed and hidden, representation and reality."
not to mention providing an excuse for them to flash vids of their yaya's at passersby...
shelldraked at 11:10 pm
monday, dec 4, 2000
may the force be with you
light sabers may soon become a reality
"known either as the 'anti-personnel beam weapon' or 'non-lethal tetanizing beam weapon,' it releases two ultraviolet laser beams with a wavelength of 193 to 248 nanometers that paralyzes the skeletal muscles of people and animals up to 2 kilometers away."
quonsar at 10:50 pm
premature ejaculation
quonsar at 10:10 pm
california dreamin'
great signage
quonsar at 9:28 pm
welcome to cockeyed.com
the sixth-best website in the world
thanks to this site, if anyone ever asks me how many cheerios there are in a box i will be able to say with confidence 'four thousand, eight hundred and two'.
quonsar at 9:05 pm
geek boys: urban girls will take you shopping
more confidence, more hip clothes, more action
"cool chicks will take you shopping, pick out your clothes, and discuss the ins and outs of this city with you."
quonsar at 7:53 pm
dial 1-800-888-3999
the link goes nowhere. grab your phone, dummy.
really. dial it now. listen carefully to the options.
quonsar at 7:06 pm
dildo, newfoundland
'dildo days' occurs during the middle of August
sheesh! i was only trying to find a non-stop flight from dildo to sex peak, montana, and they had goons escort me from the airport! damn good thing i wasn't headed to austria.
shelldraked at 6:36 pm