sunday, oct 8, 2000
mike the headless chicken
original recipe or extra crispy?
a nostalgic trip to 1945 when this plucky fowl lived for 18 months without a head.
deep fried by quonsar at 9:09 pm
online fetus design!
bought any bridges in brooklyn lately?
incredible! amazing!
hybridized by quonsar at 2:17 pm
first human male pregnancy?
not for the gullible at heart
amazing! incredible!
c-sectioned by quonsar at 2:14 pm
an outfit calling themselves thunderwear is selling crotch holsters.
is that a pistol in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
i wonder if they are compatible with the eezeewee?
posted by quonsar at 12:26 pm
saturday, oct 7, 2000
your chin, my hot pickle
ludicrous lawsuits
the husband is seeking $15,000, because he "has been deprived of the services and consortium of his wife." yeah, what's he supposed to do with his hot pickle now?
condiments by quonsar at 7:58 pm
web economy bullshit generator
how to speak venture capitalist
reintermediate your web-enabled schemas, generate user-centric niches and transition bleeding-edge functionalities like a pro with this useful tool...
posted by quonsar at 6:16 pm
impossible to tickle yourself
not even with my hairy palms?
if what the link says is true, then what the hell are these people yammering about???
posted by quonsar at 6:06 pm
america's ill but so is bill
though a perennial candidate, he's always been my favorite.
elected by quonsar at 5:58 pm
women to urinate standing up
amazing technologies
introducing the 'eezeewee'. my wife didn't stop laughing for an hour.
voided by quonsar at 5:50 pm
great 404-not-found pages
this made me grin
redirected by quonsar at 5:45 pm
thursday, oct 5, 2000
dj gore & phat dubya
hilarious flash
you have to fiddle with this to see it all. mouse over everything. click on everything. oh, and crank it up.
posted by quonsar at 8:52 pm
al gore comes to town
just passing through
there is normally not much to see out the window by my desk, but today 5,000 or so people gathered on the plaza to hear the "veep" explain why he should be president (the "eep"?). shortly before his speech i caught him hanging out directly beneath my window.
posted by quonsar at 7:19 pm
u.s. patent no. 5878155
proof that you can patent anything
"...the present invention relates to the application of invisible, indelible tattoos on humans for purposes of identification in order to conduct monetary and credit transactions in a secure manner."

or to prevent unauthorized individuals from conducting monetary and credit transactions. you know, dissidents, troublemakers, libertarians and the like. its a stupid idea anyway, who would voluntarily do it? forget the dark, conspiratorial uses - imagine if advertisers could track everywhere you went and everything you bought. we'd never have any peace!
inscribed by quonsar at 6:39 pm
wednesday, oct 4, 2000
drug war casualty?
must have been high
"Coffee County Sheriff Carlton Evans, who fashioned a reputation as the scourge of South Georgia marijuana farmers, apparently put a bullet in his head Tuesday rather than face federal charges that he was growing the weed himself."
posted by quonsar at 9:47 pm
valuable internet resource no. 3,479: free ketchup pin
imagine cyberspace without this
you can get a free ketchup pin in exchange for your name and mailing address. a free ketchup pin can be a very handy thing to have around in case you need one. does it come in green too? thank gawd for the new economy. hey, i wonder why heinz assumes i'm under 13? does it want to meet me on the pier in santa monica or something?
contributed by duckslayer at 8:05 pm
what's next? full body armor while strolling?
give me a break
"The Consumer Product Safety Commission last week released a report showing a 700 percent rise in scooter-related injuries since May, prompting calls by some for laws requiring kids to don helmets when they zip around on the popular new scooters."

citing a 1200 percent rise in foot fatigue related injuries, alarmist ninnies call for laws requiring orthopedic footwear whenever walking.
posted by quonsar at 6:45 pm
tuesday, oct 3, 2000
cats as trophies
disgusting roadkill images
i love cats. i did not like this site. besides, roadkill's been done to death.
posted by quonsar at 10:51 pm
features and design, my ass!
microsoft lies
what microsoft doesn't mention here, is that they "innovated" the entire concept from these folks, who refused to stand still for it. this ripoff was so blatant that microsoft knew better than to let it go to trial and settled out of court. the notice on the site was a part of the agreement. personally, i'd have held out for a truthful notice.
posted by quonsar at 6:09 pm
monday, oct 2, 2000
got a spam problem?
no, i can quit anytime i want
step one: came to believe that we were powerless over spam - that our spamming had become unmanageable.
posted by quonsar at 7:33 pm
...and the doll you rode in on
corporate comeuppance
"Mattel shares have lost more than half their value since Mattel bought Learning Co. in May 1999, falling from the $26 range then to less than $12. The steep slide helped lead to the resignation of former chairman and chief executive Jill Barad. Mattel stock dropped again on Friday, falling 12.5 cents to $11.50 on the New York Stock Exchange as more than 4 million shares - nearly double Mattel's average volume - changed hands."

i don't feel one bit sorry for this company with its history of harassing employees, suing fan sites and hawking its censorware. you would be hard pressed to find a less internet-friendly corporation than mattel.
posted by quonsar at 8:32 am